This house was built for laser tag.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
