I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
