paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
