I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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