Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
