I heard we made out
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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