In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
