I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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