The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.