I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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