Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
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the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Someone shattered a urinal.
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Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.