He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
He melted the stem
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it