I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
