would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
