I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize