All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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