How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
3pm strippers are depressing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
