Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
