I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
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Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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