if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
