just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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