She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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