I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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