Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
