The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
