i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
