i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
