she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
