In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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