i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
