so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
