i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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