it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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