It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
