It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
