Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
