Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
