Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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