have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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