i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
