Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
