after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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