Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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