you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
