There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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