good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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