Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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