i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize