All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
