i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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