So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
