sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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