Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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