if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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