You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
