even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
