I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize