LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
