I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
