So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
