Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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