JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
