My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
