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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize