Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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