dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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