god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize